When life feels chaotic or uncertain, my wise mentor gave me the gift of simple stories that offer a way back to the truth.
Frogs in a ditch
A group of frogs were travelling through the forest when two of them fell into a deep ditch. The others peered down and declared they were as “good as dead”.
One frog listened to those words – gave up and died. The other kept jumping, harder and higher, and eventually made it out. When the others asked why he didn’t stop despite their discouragement, he explained that he was deaf!
He’d thought they were cheering him on.
Moral of the Story: Words hold power. What we say, and hear can shape a life. They say the power of life and death is in the tongue. An encouraging word can change someones world, for better or for worse.
Churn the milk
Two frogs hopped into a tall can of milk.
They kicked and swam, trying to escape. One gave up and sank. The other kept swimming. Eventually, all that movement churned the milk into butter! And he was able to climb out.
Moral of the Story: Don’t give up, because you might just be on the cusp of a breakthrough.
So how does this relate to the psychodynamic dance we explore in therapy?
Put simply, the past repaired in the present is a chance to author a future you truly want – because those raw nerve endings finally have a chance to be seen, held, known in a new way. Often, it’s only then that they can soften.
These stories speak to something core in therapy, how our past shapes the way we hear, feel, and respond in the present. The frog who imagined encouragement where there was none experienced something reparative. In therapy, we often uncover the opposite of this: we explore how closeness activates a threat, where kind gestures may trigger suspicious and distrust, and even support may be misread as judgement.
Why?
There’s a really valid reason, somwhere closeness, trust and openess led to pain.
And that makes sense, that in order to protect ourselves from being hurt again, we filter the “now” through the lens of “then”.
Beautiful adaptation then, and now limiting, or maladaptive for the growth and deeper connection that could be possible.
That’s the beauty of therapy work.
To bring the unconscious pattern into the therapeutic relationship.
To churn the milk — together.
What we revisit, gently and consistently, begins to transform.
A downcast glance. A cautious request. A fear of needing too much — it’s rarely just about now.
It’s about every time before, still living in the body, undigested, longing to be understood and processed. Longing to be metabolised, to make space for something new to arrive.
When there is anxious scanning or eyes downcast asking for a simple need, that’s not just about the moment, it’s about every moment like it that came before. And naming the transference gently may sound like this:
“What do you imagine I’m feeling right now?” brings the past into the present.
And in doing so, the past enters the room.
That’s where healing begins.
In the same way the frog imagined encouragement – it saved his life.
What lens we experience, if left unprocessed, can leave us feeling stuck. And gives us a certainty that seems comforting, but really is limited.
Psychodynamic therapy, when blended with parts, somatic and depth work, doesn’t fix, it witnesses. It holds steady at the edge. And with time, what was once buried begins to rise into the light.
Like the frogs, we don’t always know which moment will bring change.
But hope, curiosity, and a steady relationship can soften even the deepest survival patterns.
Sometimes, that’s how we find our way out.
In music form it sounds like this: “I Can See Clearly Now” by Johnny Cash
I can see clearly now, the rain has gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind…
It’s gonna be a bright, bright sun-shining day
It’s gonna be a bright, bright sun-shining day
It’s gonna be a bright, bright sun-shining day
I think I can make it now, the pain has gone
And neurobiologically, this is how it may sound – when we have the support to re-negotiate and consolidate memories, sensations, meaning, feelings, images and behaviours into their rightful neurological ‘home’:
“The task of working with traumatic memory is to re-member the neurally embedded fragments and shards of the unintegrated past. To resolve traumatic memory isn’t to dissolve the past but to allow it to rest in its hippocampal home. It doesn’t erase the pain or eliminate the ache; the living past doesn’t die. Instead it is brought into a neurobiological shelter.”
Therapy and one-on-one counselling offers a safe space to explore these patterns and begin the work of reconnecting – with yourself, with others and with your future. The journey starts with a single step. For more information or to begin your own healing process, book in for a complimentary 15-minute call with Meeray.
These blogs are intended as an educational resource, not medical advice, and do not replace the care and nuance of individual therapy.
image credits | upsplash | saasin ann | myoyim illustrations