What the “handmade” can teach us about presence and healthy regulation.
“Grandma how do you deal with pain?”
“With your hands, dear. When you do it with your mind, the pain hardens even more.”
“With your hands, grandma?”
“Yes, yes. Our hands are the antennas of our soul. When you move them by sewing, cooking, painting, touching the earth or sinking them into the earth, they send signals of caring to the deepest part of you and your soul calms.
This way she doesn’t have to send pain anymore to show it.
‘’Are hands really that important?”
“Yes my girl. Think of babies: they get to know the world thanks to their touch. When you look at the hands of older people, they tell more about their lives than any other part of the body. Everything that is made by hand, so it is said, is made with the heart because it really is like this: hands and heart are connected. Think of lovers: When their hands touch, they love each other in the most sublime way.”
“My hands grandma… how long since I used them like that!” “Move them my love, start creating with them and everything in you will move. The pain will not pass away. But it will be the best masterpiece.
And it won’t hurt as much anymore, because you managed to embroider your Essence.”
– (Author Unknown)
What an image …. and what an invitation!
There’s a beautiful idea from anthropology that ties into this, it’s that civilisation began with the first evidence of a ‘knitted bone’ in skeletons – meaning it marked the first known record of care and community.
So why is this so important?
Well, to be civilised in this sense means to care for and mend that which has been broken.
Tending with our hands and heart is for the good of all. Someone ‘waited with’ and allowed the healing to take place. This intention lies at the heart of the therapeutic process.
Because there is a foundational understanding of ‘process’ as the vehicle for change.
Together, let’s explore some of the common threads between the creative and therapeutic process.
One example of tactile beauty is the art of Sara Winfield.
To me, her work feels like a meditation on life as layers we journey with. Imbued with some deep trust of what is revealed through such a process. I notice a sensitive dialogue that is not full of words, but sensory input, movement, back and forth, the ability to see colour and light, balance, subtlety, presence and time.
In a way, the therapy process we enter into is similar – there is space made for nuance, images, thoughts, feelings, sensations, memories. Together, they begin to (re)veal someone’s unique tapestry.
I say, (re)veal as it is often already there – underneath life’s adaptive strategies, waiting to be found again. Rough at first, and messy throughout but always in a state of becoming. Therapy also has distinctive creases, edges and focal points, moments of stillness and movement. And both art and therapy teach us how to engage in a ‘process’ with reverence and willingness.
It’s an “analogue” kind of relationship. In this place, the ‘end result’ is not the goal, instead it’s a chance to surrender patiently into ‘process’. Tracing small but profound shifts over time, that cumulatively build and create a stronger foundation of self, which is often needed with complex trauma recovery.
Depth psychology, is all about layering and returning.
It’s rarely linear, instead it unfolds with its own cadence and rhythm.
We come back again and again to similar themes throughout our lives. And if we are committed to the process, with each layer, a little more clarity and capacity emerges. You get to strengthen what once felt porous or fragmented. You can can weave back disassociated parts and bare to face the heaviness of unspoken pain.
With the right support, the whole image starts to take shape.
But importantly, we don’t enter into this knowing the outcome – marks made are evidence of trusting the psyche will find its way, provided we offer the right conditions.
This kind of fidelity grows internal muscle, and over time, reduces anxiety about how to approach all that’s unknown.
Art, like therapy is habitually moving towards the unknown with great courage. It’s a practice of deep embodiment amidst very human self doubt and uncertainty. Much like the Japanese philosophy of Wabi Sabi, and Kintsugi – the art of repairing broken pottery with gold; healing is a practice that doesn’t hide the fractures, instead – it honours the inherent gifts they may bring.
And also recognises that it’s sometimes in tending carefully, in a conscious way, that unseen gold is unearthed.
To sincerely engage in therapy is to slowly reweave the threads of your experience in order to create a more coherent loom –
reflecting more of what you truly long for in life.
By bravely confronting your rough edges, taking ownership of where things have frayed, untying knots that keep you stuck, recognising where reactivity lives and how defensiveness arises – once all this is understood more at a somatic level, healthier options start to feel possible. And we begin to notice ‘compulsions to repeat’ evolve.
Importantly, there is also an opportunity to understand how these strategies emerged from the lens of attachment and the nervous system. Just like the artist has resilience to decided what needs pruning back, and what needs foregrounding, we learn to take risks towards vulnerability in order to really become apprentices all that’s available to use in life.
Why working iteratively reveals our essence and gives us strength?
In it we learn the following –
“I’m here, with you”
“You’re not alone”
“This ship is steady”
“You are worthy of care”
Here, the courage to receive cannot be underestimated.
It’s a kind of tending and relating that honours both giver and receiver, artist and canvas. I wonder if that’s the same ancient devotion of tending to broken bones and Kintsugi that helped us evolve and maybe we can remember during these times of collective chaos and change?
Jordan Dann, Psychoanalyst and Somatic Couples Therapist, speaks to this powerful inter-relatedness:
“Healing involves not only the reclamation of the spontaneous and creative Self, but the slow, often disorienting process of learning how to be in relationship without disappearing.”
What a powerful statement of how we can dance healthily in connection.
If you are someone who leans more co-dependently, this is an important skill to embody – how to stay connected to self and other without disappearing. To simultaneously hold a strong spine and open heart. To safely relate without abandoning the self.
It’s a posture of holding oneself as – real, equal, sacred in all connections. And noticing where things stray from this centre, and simply coming back, over and over. We do repetitions in the gym, to learn a language and play an instrument and with neurogenisis and neuroplasticity, it’s no different, it requires many repetitions.
The process tenderises what trauma made rigid and brittle (walled up), and fortifies what has became too porous (boundaryless). To be touchable and findable is our birthright as humans, at our core, we are all wired for connection.
The more I look at these paintings by Sara Winfield, my mind wanders to scenes of nature, sunlight washing over a valley, or rich hues in a sunset. The idea that nature never hurries and everything is accomplished is a beautiful reminder. Nature has so many lessons in general – it doesn’t do comparisons, it doesn’t worry in the way humans do – if another tree is somehow “tree-ing” better. Can you imagine a bird ever feeling self conscious about its singing voice? Or having imposter syndrome? Does the season of Winter ever hold jealously around Spring?
No – these experiences are reserved for us humans. And I hope in the pursuit of hyper efficiency – which I believe perpetuates anxiety – we don’t lose sight that psyche and nervous systems, are shaped through 1000’s of tiny interactions, across generations.
Many, many, many knitted bones.
To leave our mark in this world, we have to risk being seen, known, woven and knitted back together.
Thanks for being here and reading this far – if you’re creatively inclined, check out Sara’s work, especially her reflections on process, it’s not been a linear or easy path, but I think like any worthwhile journey, such courage and persistence brings great reward.
And I feel that way about anyone who has the courage to engage in psychotherapy. I hope we can honour and celebrate the tactile, handmade – maybe through simply pausing to appreciate the emotional canvas of each others life through their precious hands and face.
In a world of hurry, this is the invitation:
To slow down.
Return. Breathe.
Honour process over product.
Authenticity over performance.
Want to go deeper into presence of analogue?
Watch David Whyte’s “Blessing” – poems interpreted through a visual journey across the Irish landscape in this short film, made in collaboration with composer Owen Ó Súilleabháin (4:07mins) View here.
If you’re looking for more – Therapy and one-on-one counselling offers a safe space to explore these patterns and begin the work of reconnecting – with yourself, with others and with your future. The journey starts with a single step. For more information or to begin your own healing process, book in for a complimentary 15-minute call with Meeray.
These blogs are intended as an educational resource, not medical advice, and do not replace the care and nuance of individual therapy.
image credits | sara winfield