Feelings can be overwhelming.
You know the experience: something happens, and you’re soon stuck in a cycle of thinking-feelings. Statements and questions like “what’s wrong with me?” or “why am I feeling this way?” or “I shouldn’t be feeling this way” float around in your grey matter. Before you know it, you’ve spent hours analysing why you feel the way you do without ever really getting to the heart of the emotion itself.
Many of us get caught in this mental loop, going from overthinking and under-feeling to overwhelm and disconnection, leading to numbness and exhaustion. This internal struggle can seem isolating, as if you’re fighting your own emotional storm in silence. More often than not, it also feels bigger than it is. Depression, for example, can be feedback that our body is struggling to metabolise emotions that feel so ingrained that we mistake them for our core being. Rather than recognising the emotion as something temporary, we internalise it as part of who we are.
Enter therapy. Emotional support can make it easier to feel our feelings and, ultimately, heal from them. Something as simple as holding hands with another person can help us process emotions more easily. Research by the late Dr Sue Johnson, author of Hold Me Tight, revealed that couples who held hands with their partner when undergoing a painful stimulus reported a significantly reduced perception of pain. While my remote therapy and telehealth counselling services don’t offer a physical presence, the emotional connection of being heard and truly understood can provide the co-regulation needed to safely experience and process difficult emotions.
As your therapist, I will hold space for your process and hold your hand on this journey. In doing so, we will build a world in which you show up for yourself and guide your heart, mind and emotions through the process of healing and moving beyond your experiences. This process will help you embrace emotional bravery and deepen trust with yourself and your loved ones.
Let’s focus on feeling, not fixing
When anxiety or discomfort presents itself, it’s often because our body is trying to signal to us that it needs to feel something but that it simultaneously feels threatened by it. Take anxiety, for example: it can appear when our nervous system is gearing up to face something uncomfortable. Overcoming the physical sensation is about learning how to feel without fear of the feeling process.
You are not alone and these feelings are not permanent. It might feel uncomfortable or unfamiliar, but that’s OK. Be curious. You’ve got this. Invite yourself home to yourself amid the storm. Here’s what that emotional shelter might look like.
Step one: pause
When an uncomfortable feeling arises, the immediate urge is often to do something about it. Instead of reacting, try pausing. Take a moment to notice what’s happening in your body and mind. This pause, however small, is an incredibly powerful act of self-compassion.
Ask yourself: what’s happening in my body right now? Do I notice my heart racing or my stomach feeling tight? Can I notice the discomfort without rushing to make it disappear? What’s the feeling, and where is it in my body? Can I just pause and allow it for a moment? Give yourself permission to sit with the storm, rather than running from it.
Step two: notice
Feelings are experienced in our bodies. If the intensity of the emotion starts to feel too much, try pendulation, or moving between the heightened emotion and a place of calm: notice the sensation in your chest and then, when it becomes too overwhelming, gently breathe into the sensation or focus on something grounding in your body. Titration is also helpful: allow yourself to focus on small parts of the emotion, like a slight tension in your jaw or a fluttering in your stomach. Subtle sensations hold the key to emotional healing.
Sadness might feel like heaviness in the body, fatigue, drooping face, a lump in the throat. Fear might be elevated heart rate or shortness of breath. Joy could look like warmth in the chest, lightness, increased energy or flushed cheeks. Shame might feel like a hot face, sunken posture, drooping shoulders or lowered eyes.
Ask yourself: what am I feeling in my body right now? Is there tightness? A fluttering sensation, or maybe a heaviness? Can I describe this sensation without labelling it as “good” or “bad”? What texture, temperature or colour does it have? How does it shift or change when I focus on it?
As you tune into your body’s sensations, try naming them. Stay present in the experience. Process the feeling in small, manageable amounts without becoming flooded by the storm.
Step three: allow
Your mind may scream at you to get rid of the feeling you’re experiencing but the more you resist, the more it persists. We aren’t trying to force your feelings to disappear. We want to create space for them to simply be. Breathe into the sensation and let it move through you.
Ask yourself: what would it be like to simply breathe through this feeling, rather than running from it? Can I be gentle with myself as I feel this sensation, even if it’s uncomfortable? Can I stay with it long enough to notice it change?
Sometimes, it helps to physically move with the feeling: sway your body, shake your hands, cry if you need to. You can even visualise the sensation flowing through you like water, trusting that it will pass, just like any storm. As you breathe into the feeling, you might notice it building and then subsiding. (This is pendulation in action: allowing yourself to move through the discomfort by shifting between the emotional intensity and your calming breath. If the feeling feels overwhelming, use titration by taking small breaks and grounding yourself in the present moment, whether through deep breaths or focusing on a neutral sensation, like the feeling of your feet on the floor.)
Step four: connect
Your mind may want to analyse or judge the feeling, but this mental process can hold you back from experiencing the emotion. Your mind is not where true healing happens. Gently connect by redirecting your focus back to the body, not to the point of overwhelm, to build capacity over time.
Ask yourself: am I getting lost in the story about the feeling again? Can I refocus my attention back to the sensation in my body, without adding a story? How can I notice the sensation without making it mean something about me?
To be sure, this takes practice – it’s like teaching yourself to stop the mental spin cycle. The more you do it, the easier it becomes to float with your feelings without getting swept away by them.
Step five: witness
Step back and observe the feeling. By witnessing it without judgement, you create the space for it to dissolve. It’s like watching clouds move across the sky as the storm rolls away – you don’t need to control those clouds; you simply need to bear witness. This process reminds you that you’ve survived every feeling, every wave of discomfort. You’re building the capacity to hold these moments of vulnerability without running from them.
Ask yourself: can I witness this feeling without attaching a story to it? How does this feeling change over time? Can I give myself what I need at this moment, even if it’s just a soft word of reassurance?
Looking forward
True healing doesn’t come from pushing feelings away—it comes from being with them. And when you’re not alone in this process, it makes all the difference.
The next time a feeling arises, recognise that you don’t have to run from it. You don’t need to fix it. You don’t need to feel it alone. You can simply be and know that support makes all the difference in your emotional journey. That’s the practice, the art and the beauty of emotional freedom. And you deserve it.
To begin your own healing process with therapy, book in for a complimentary 15-minute call with Meeray.
These blogs are intended as an educational resource, not medical advice, and do not replace the care and nuance of individual therapy.
pause. notice. allow. connect witness.
– the living neuro
the trees that are slow to grow bear the best fruit.
image credits | kevin yaun | barbara & michael leisgen | jenny wildfang